And I use the term “adult” very loosely.
Lord only knows my maturity levels are questionable.
What a Girl Wants
I was listening to an audio chapter of Girl, Wash Your Face recently where the author Rachel Hollis said the question she gets asked most at her Rise women’s events is – how do I make friends?
Which broke my heart a little bit.
Because I know what that’s like.
I have distinct memories of being at primary school and my two cooler friends (let’s calls them Kelly and Beyoncé) running away and hiding from me while I was in the bathroom.
I was Michelle.
And it was crap.
Hey, Soul Sister
Thankfully, I did end up making some awesome friends at school and uni, but other than my hilarious pal Vin, I was a relatively late bloomer when it came to making soul sister-level besties.
I was 19 when I first started going to church, and it was there I met my now-best friends and the wild, funny, clever women (and some solidly epic dudes) that make up my wolf pack.
But after this pretty intense period of getting to know lots of new people, I went on a bit of a friend-making hiatus.
My dance card was full.
In the past couple of years I’ve made A LOT of friends!
First there was gorgeous Renee at my old new job.
Then the hilarious Mamae and Jacqui through my new-new job.
Then Janis, Haley, Nat, Leah, Cara, Sam and Liza from my antenatal group mum gang.
And then more recently Erin and Amelia through Improv.
I am awash with cool chicks to hang with!
And I couldn’t help but wonder (like a Carrie Bradshaw voice over) – why?
Why do I suddenly have so many cool new chums?
And then it hit me.
The answer of how to make friends as an adult.
You have to do something different
In every single one of the above new-friend scenarios, I was doing something outside of my normal day-to-day Kate-ing.
I started a new job (twice).
Interviewed a random, wonderful woman for my work podcast.
Had a baby (grow a new friend?)
And started improv classes.
All things outside of my normal routine.
All things that pushed me out of my comfort zone.
Feeling like Michelle?
If, like me in the primary school toilets, you’re feeling like a bit of a Michelle (kinda lonely and on the outer) – I really encourage you to try something different.
Or indeed, this four step process that I have just created …
Step 1: Work out what you like
Think about what you enjoy: sports, dancing, reading, fitness, comedy, music … and find a club or community group that runs something you can join.
For instance: a netball club, church connect group, dance class, book club, community bootcamp, improv class, or choir …
So. Many. Options!
Just have a Google.
Step 2: Sign up!
Take a deep breath and go full Nike and
You have far more to gain that you have to lose.
Step 3: Back yourself and be nice
There are so many different types of people on this earth, no matter how weird or niche you think you are, there will be someone else out there who will get your jokes and think you’re great.
You just gotta find your tribe. Put yourself out there. And be nice.
You might not find a bezzie pal in the first club you join, but by deliberately positioning your heart and mind to be open and welcoming to new friends – that’s exactly what you’ll attract.
(Literally the definition of “manifesting”?)
Or as no one’s put it, ever:
Let your openness be the light bulb of friendship to draw in your new moth homies.
Step 4: Have faith
Don’t force it. You don’t need to get weird and intense because you want that half-heart BFF bracelet.
Just see who you click with. Ask them to hang. Be interested. And have faith that everything will work out.
Friendships take time to grow.
Be patient and enjoy the process.
You are unique and wonderful, and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.
Side note: Looking for love?
These steps are also pretty comparable to how we used to meet dudes back in the olden pre-Tinder days.
Just a thought.
Do you find it difficult making friends? What’s worked for you? Can I get an Amen for the Michelle’s in the house!